A man named Eloi Cole from the future who claims there are no countries where he comes from, was arrested at CERN whilst rummaging through trash cans looking for fuel to power his blender-appearing 'time machine power unit'.
The bow tie-wearing and overly-tweeded man claimed to have come from the future to warn us about a disturbing future that comes into existence after the discovery of the Higg's boson at the nuclear accelerator research centre in Switzerland.
"The discovery of the Higg's boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hell-hole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
Not all bat-shittery is disturbing, but a future dominated by Nestlé and their infernal confections should worry us all.
