Thursday, 8 December 2011

Installing husband... Please wait.

A woman writes to I.T. Technical Support.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as News 5.0, Money 3.0 and Sport 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Defrag 2.6 simply crashes the system..

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?


Reply, after the break...

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory (e.g. Gadgets RC) and other related applications that enhance performance (such as SyncRite 9.5 and the always fresh FlattR 2.0).

As a last resort, it should be borne in mind that you might have absent-mindedly 'turned off' vital functions of Husband 1.0 which you cannot now retrieve. Simply download the NotABitch suite of patches, reboot, activate 'automatic upgrades' and Husband 1.0 should get 'turned on' without any noticeable glitches.

Other beneficial developer widgets include Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

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